Consider the Crab

Killing stuff is not high on my list of “top things to do at the beach”–I was a vegetarian half my life. But just before I left Tofino, Chef Liam Paul from Long Beach Lodge Resort offered to teach me the humane way to slaughter a Dungeness crab. A great culinary skill, I know–but I think Liam’s the only one of the three of us in the next photo who’s not visibly tense.

Here goes:

First, you hold the crab by the back legs then you flip it over and hold it down on a flat surface, belly up, in a position of submission…

Next, you stick the dough knife through the crab’s midsection–it takes quite a bit of force. Try not to go right through the top shell if you’re planning on using it to serve the flesh in later.

The crab’s legs will stop moving within a split second–I promise–and then it’s all over.

I’m going to hell.

Moving on, the next step is pulling off each shell section.

Then you remove the guts, any remaining pieces of shell and the genitals. It’s illegal to kill female Dungeness crabs in these parts, for reasons of sustainability, so we’re looking out for male bits.

You use a spoon to scrape out the shell thoroughly.

Then carefully drop the crab into salted boiling water and cook for around 8 minutes.

… or as long as it takes your travelling companion to scrawl sentimental messages in the sand.

Then you put the crab pieces on ice or in the fridge, unless you’re eating them straight away, to keep the flesh fresh.

Toss any waste back into the sea–it’s all organic and will make tasty pickings for the birds.

Then you can work up your appetite before supper with a gorgeous sunset stroll on the beach… maybe see if you can blot out some of those images.